ROMANCE MATHEMATICS

Smart man + smart woman = romance
Smart man + dumb woman = affair
Dumb man + smart woman = marriage
Dumb man + dumb woman = pregnancy

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OFFICE ARITHMETIC

Smart boss + smart employee = profit
Smart boss + dumb employee = production
Dumb boss + smart employee = promotion
Dumb boss + dumb employee = overtime

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SHOPPING MATH

A man will pay $20 for a $10 item he needs.
A woman will pay $10 for a $20 item that she doesn’t need.

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GENERAL EQUATIONS & STATISTICS

A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
A successful woman is one who can find such a man.

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HAPPINESS

To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him a little.
To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all.

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LONGEVITY

Married men live longer than single men do, but married men are a lot more willing to die.

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PROPENSITY TO CHANGE

A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn’t.
A man marries a woman expecting that she won’t change, and she does.

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DISCUSSION TECHNIQUE

A woman has the last word in any argument.
Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.

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HOW TO STOP PEOPLE FROM BUGGING YOU ABOUT GETTING MARRIED

Old aunts used to come up to me at weddings, poking me in the ribs and cackling,

telling me, ‘You’re next.’ They stopped after I started doing the same thing to them at funerals.

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MATHATHEIST

Calvin     : You know, i don’t think math is a science. I think its a religion

Hobbes  : A religion?

Calvin     : Yeah. all this  equations are like miracles. you take two numbers and when you add them,

they magically become one new number! no one can say how it happens. you either

believe it or you don’t

Calvin     : This whole book is full of things that have to be accepted on faith! it’s a religion!

Hobbes  : And in the public school no less. Call a lawyer.

Calvin     : As a math atheist, i should be excused from this.

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