I was reading a lot of articles on Malaysia recently (some kind of Merdeka virus)… some of the articles sad, some poetic, and some utterly hilarious but some i think quite truly describes our Malaysia in a funny way. Here is one of the article i read that describes the top reasons why Malaysia is unique.

1. A Nation in Harmony. Where else can you find a nation where its diverse people live in such peaceful harmony despite the brazen institutionalized discrimination in almost all socio-political and economic spheres. Although there is a group of people who despite being born after the nation’s independence are still facing a mixed emotion of having a strong affinity to the country and yet feel no sense of belonging, there are just the minority and usually they migrate away rather than cause disharmony.

2. A Nation of Contractors. Where else can you find a nation with so many government contractors from the same race wherein for every 350 citizens there is one contractor of that race and miraculously, so many contractors (for some reason bear the name of “Ali Baba“) were rewarded with huge payoffs by the generous government while actually not performing the contracted job.

3. A Record-breaking Nation. Where else can you find a nation full of thoroughly optimistic gung-hos (chanting ‘Malaysia Boleh’) that despite the utter stupidity impossibility of some mega projects undertaken such as Tallest Flagpost in the World, Biggest Outdoor TV, Longest Teh Tarik in Space, etc (refer to the Malaysia Book of Records for a full listing of stupidity) the national leaders and people are full of pride and praise of these ‘achievements’. In fact, Malaysians are so keen on breaking records that it now also holds the highest record for the number of cars stolen per day per capita – 8 cars are stolen per hour in a nation of just 20 million.

4. A Nation of Many Royalties. (I am not referring to the MPs or the MBs). Where else in the world can you find a nation with so many kings (called Sultans here) that one third of the world’s kings are found in Malaysia. We have a king for every state except 4 states, which means we have 9 royal families and literally hundreds of princes and princesses. Despite the fact that many of us can’t remember all their names nor even what official duties they perform, no other nation can boast of so many royalties as we Malaysians do.

5. A Nation of undaunted criminals. Where else in the world can you find a nation with so many successful pirates that despite incessant raids and stringent enforcement, these Malaysians remains undaunted and continue to thrive and become the world’s leading producer of pirated DVDs. Malaysia also have the honour of having the most enterprising credit card fraudsters and is the number one supplier of fake or stolen credit cards in the World, notwithstanding our achievements in being the top car-jakers in this region.

6. Nation of Wealthy MPs. Where else can you find so many wealthy politicians and MPs who are ’so clean’ that they are beyond reproach, owning fine bungalows and luxury cars and yet are only paid a meager salary of around RM 5,000 a month. MPs in Malaysia are not just wealthy, they are also part time comedians because every other day you will find one speaking their minds and making everyone laugh (not referring to their oft ape-like behavior in Parliament).

7. A Nation with a Generous Government. Where else can you find a nation where the citizens enjoy so many holidays (apparently the most days in the world) and yet despite the very low productivity of the overworked civil service, our generous government have the power to declare even more days as holidays to enable our much overworked civil servants more long weekend breaks. In fact our generous government believes our civil servants are so overworked that they deserves not just the regular pay rise and longer tea-breaks but a hefty 35% increase in salary this (election) year. In similar veins, our government is so generous that the ministries overspent on project allocations by a whopping RM4.11 billion in 2005 alone. Not only that, our generous government also allows civil servants to owe them about RM 26 billion in unpaid housing loans. In order to keep our government as generous as ever, citizens are encouraged to tighten their belts.

8. A Hungry Nation. Where else in the world can you find so many thriving and delicious 24 hour food stalls (called ‘Mamaks’) on the streets, side walks and even carparks, that despite charging arbitrary prices for generally unhealthy meals prepared in unhygienic conditions, they still command such undying patronage. Malaysians are not just hungry for success but hungry all the time.

and for this reason, we are also…

9. A Nation of Diabetics. Where else in the world can you find a nation with so many diabetics – an amazing 9 out of 100 Malaysians suffer from it and has been ranked number one in the world when it comes to diabetes as the cause of kidney failure by the US Renal Data Registry and despite that fact, we have more mamak stalls per capita than any other nation, helping us consume more “sweetened condense milk” than any other nation.

10. A Nation with a Gracious Police Force. Where else in the world can you find such gracious police enforcement that despite so many citizens compiling traffic fines to the tune of millions a year, the police would (in the spirit of Mega Sale) offer fantastic discounts of up to 50% to encourage compliance with the law. And it is because our police is so gracious to the citizens that so many citizens felt it necessary to offer “ang pows” to them as a gesture of gratitude.

11. A Nation obsess with Beauty. Where else in the world can you find so many types of beauty pagents to cater for so many beautiful people of Malaysia. Apart from the Ms World, Ms Universe, there is also Mrs. World, Miss Malaysia Chinese International, Miss Malaysia Chinatown, Miss AFOS, and all kinds of (hits and) misses that if one is to throw a stone into the KLCC Concourse – one will probably hit a beauty contestant. And in order to keep the people beautiful, Malaysia has literally thousands of beauty salons & slimming centers – a fact you can’t miss as there are slimming center ads every 3 pages on the Star newspaper. (Incidentally, it is because of the large revenue from their ads that citizens are not paying RM2.60 for the Star today). This obsession with beauty extends to even our local councils (would you believe it) that they would spend millions of rate payers money to beautify our pavements, roads and their own homes as they please.

12. An Educated Nation. Where else in the world can you find a people so thoroughly educated that our children as young as 3 years old would be push to school and from then to adulthood enjoy endless expensive tuition to supplement their formal education. People in Malaysia are so educated that often times even in adulthood, we are still experiencing exam nightmares. We have so many private and public universities, university colleges, colleges and technical institutions (what have u) that we can even cater for foreigners especially women from China who not only get the benefits of our wonderful educational facilities but are also benefiting from our lonely men.

and finally…. we are

13. A Forgetful Nation. Where else in the world can you find a people so forgetful and forgiving that for all the dubious projects, outright corruption, rising crime rate and blatant nepotism, the people will still remember only all the good and wonderful things done by the BN government and forget all the negative news and reports and even their own protestations (Rate hike? toll hike?) in the last 6 months and thus vote unflinchingly for their return to power.

To the nay-sayers: Yes, perhaps we can’t boast of the highest ratings in transparency, integrity, justice and equality in the present government, but we Malaysians are proud to be Malaysians because we have our own national cars (though one is bleeding to death), our majestic buildings such as the 2nd Biggest Court Complex in the world (notwithstanding the floodings), boast of the 2nd tallest Skyscraper (notwithstanding it was build by Japs and Koreans) and Biggest Ikea store in Asia (notwithstanding it is Swedish).

Although there are plenty of negatives about this country, of which none of them relates to the present untouchable government, there are also lots of positives to win our neighbor’s admiration.

Every nation and people has their share of good and bad, and to blame the current insecurity, injustice, institutional discrimination and overt nepotism experience by the citizens of Malaysia plainly on the mismanagement and incompetence of the BN government is just plain unfair.

How can we forget that all the great and marvelo

us things the BN government has done over the 50 years to make this nation so great and marvelous?

It is a marvel that despite the increasing brain drain and exodus of top professionals to other countries, this nation is still rank among the top economies in this region … after Laos.

article above taken from Joshua3

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enjoy! =)

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PETRONAS Merdeka Advertisement 1997

PETRONAS Merdeka Advertisement 1998

PETRONAS Merdeka Advertisement 1999

PETRONAS Merdeka Advertisement 2000 ( 3 videos)

PETRONAS Merdeka Advertisement 2001

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PETRONAS Merdeka Advertisement 2006 (2 videos)

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PETRONAS Merdeka Advertisement 2008

Happy 54th Independence day Malaysia!

Hope our country can change for the better, We only can hope. =)

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This Singaporean comedian is superbly daring, and hilarious. to watch. Hope you enjoy it as much as i did.

Cheerios.

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Kumar Drag Queen (Part 1)

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Kumar Drag Queen (Part 2)



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Kumar Drag Queen (Part 3)

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Due to few request and poking from my friends present to you the super newbie guide to get you Twittering like a master songbird.

First and for most, go to www.twitter.com and sign up for an account or if you already have an account just sign in at the top right of the site

To sign up, you just need to fill in your full name which will show on your account headers and username.

This is very important for your username will be used to search you, direct message and also will be used ad your account address. But no worries if you got it wrong you can make changes in the settings.

or example my username is josephchew so my account address if you were to find is www.twitter.com/josephchew like above. make sense?

After getting an account.confirm the account and sign in through www.twitter.com

When you get in the first user interface you will arrive at is the Homepage as below.

Home (Homepage)

First off, lets start with the top tool bar which will help you add people and change the settings for the account.

Top User bar

The top user bar consist of:

1) Home – As seen at the above picture it takes you back to your user home page

2) Profile – Takes you to your profile page which is www.twitter.com/<your username>

3) Find People – Explained below

4) Settings – Explained below

5) Help – If you still don’t understand much and have questions you would like to ask you can

try submitting your questions at their help forum

6) Sign Out

Finding People

There are 6 ways to add/follow people to your list:

1) Find on twitter – just type in your friends username, last or first name

2) Find through network – sign in to 3 of the most popular emails and add friends from there.
(Gmail, Yahoo and AOL)

3) If can’t find them just invite your friends to join by email

4) If you don’t have any friends, (ya right!) just pick a few people off their suggested user list.

5) Click one of your friends you follow. go to their profile and click their following list. From there you
can add whoever he is following and most probably most of them are your friends. =)

6) If you really have no one to add. Then just type josephchew in the find people and add me!!!
Muahaha!!!

Settings

Settings is where you can change your username, full name, where in the world are you now (you can put whatever you want like say “Timbaktu” hehe…) and you can at your website or any other address you want.

you also can change how you want twitter to tell you whats happening to your account through notices. by default you’ll receive notices through emails when you get a direct message or new follower.

Here in settings is also where you upload your profile picture. It’s quite important for your friends to recognize you and make your account look real. But please keep the size of the pic below 700kb please!!! i know alot of people like to upload huge sized picture cause it makes them look ‘prettier’. Duh!

On the connection part is where all your feeds you allow to from your twitter account. Like i have friendfeed.com access to my twitter updates and from there my Facebook will be updated through my friendfeed. will you how to do this below.

How To Tweet in Twitter

There’s 3 ways to twit on twitter:

1) Broadcast

First, it’s the broadcast to everyone in your follow list. You just type what you are doing or any thoughts in the  ‘what you are doing’ textbox. Yes that’s what it says on the top of the textbox. You are limited to 150 letters so it’s the same as one normal size sms. The difference here is that you can also add links to other sites and interesting news.

2) Mention & Replies

Second way to twit is called mention or @replies. Mentions and  @replies are 2 different things.

What is @ replies?

You add a @ in front of the username to send someone a message or to reply to a message that they send to you using the same format. By writing => @+username+message to designate their message as a reply to another person or send a message to a user on twitter.

You can also reply directly from someone’s tweet by clicking the swoosh on updates by other users. By clicking the swoosh twitter will automatically add @username to your next tweet.  Now you can send a reply to the author of any tweet just by clicking a button!

notice the arrow like swoosh at the bottom right

What Is Mention?

A mention is like messaging and highlighting the post to the user which you have mentioned at the same time. By doing this you are posting to all your followers and also your post will be include in to the user’s reply tab that have been mentioned. mentions under the replies tab. If you include more than one person in your update and you use the @username format, that person will also see the update in their replies tab too.

Like i post a post with a mention to myself which is updated in my @ reply tab too. Idiotic i know but you get

point. lol.

3) Direct Messages

In addition to public updates and @replies, you can send followers private tweets, called direct messages, too.  If someone is following you, you can send a direct message from the web via the "message" link on the profile page.

You can also send direct messages from:

1. the reply icon attached to messages in your direct message inbox
2. the drop down box on the direct message inbox page (please note: this is a random selection of people who are following you, not the complete list.  If a follower’s name is not on this list, use options 1, 2, or 4)

3.  The status update box using the direct message command: d + username + message

Tip from twitter help: to reply to a regular Twitter update with a direct message from your home page, click the arrow/swoosh at the end of an update; this sets an @reply in the update box. Remove the ‘@’ sign and replace it with a "d" and a space, and type the message.  People who have their direct message text and email notifications set to ON will receive direct messages on their phones and/or via email.  Tweets sent using any of the methods described above are not public: only author and recipient can view direct messages.

Additionally there is also the #: Hashtag. Used to designate a topic such as #IndonesiaTsunami so that people can easily search for tweets on a topic. (It is totally unnecessary, though, because a search on a keyword without the # returns the same results).

How To tweet like a master wizard!

Twitter is becoming very popular to internet savvy people especially at the states. It has reach a new viral stage and is really growing at a mind blowing pace. Twitter users rely on others to follow them and unless you have a solid network of followers, you won’t exert much influence, and will end up a tweetless bird or should i say a muted pigeon? keke…

The solution? simple. follow this steps:

1. Get a twitter account! and make yourself interesting. Fill out your twitter profile and put up a nice profile picture of yourself
2. Get yourself a dedicated twitter software client such as tweetdeck or thwirl. This is to help you handle thousands of tweets easily. Using web interface to handle the volume gets difficult after some time.
3. Follow others, reply to their tweets, make contact! and pass on other twitsters wisdom by re-tweeting their post. You’ll only get out what you put in to this network.
4. Take time to tweet interesting links, stories and thoughts of your own.More people will follow you is your tweets are interesting and found interesting by your followers and their followers.

TIPS: Balance Quantity with Quality. Just by simply following everyone will not get you anywhere. you’ll only be labeled as a twitter spammer/hogger. And might even get yourself banned. Make sure people that follow you are also of quality to even things.

Other Twitter Application

There are thousands of third-party applications built to enhance the Twitter experience — these are just a few of the popular ones.

• Twitpic :  Post a photo on Twitpic, and then share the Twitpic link via Twitter.
• Twhirl : Desktop software to help you manage your Twitter account, find your @replies and shorten URLs so they can be shared on Twitter.
• Tipjoy :     A service that lets you send small amounts of cash across Twitter, and then tweet about your donation.
• Twibs : A list of businesses on Twitter with links to their Twitter accounts.
• TweetDeck : Desktop software that lets people split their tweets into columns, such as @replies, direct messages, groups and keyword searches.
• Twitterholic : Ranks Twitter users by number of followers.
• Twitturly : Tracks which URLs are most popular on Twitter, based on how many times they’ve been shared by Twitter users.
• Monitter : An easy way to keep tabs on multiple searches on Twitter at the same time.

I think i repeated tweet to many times to make you confused enough. =) go try it out for yourself. Feel free to drop me a comment if you need more clarification or if you think of any idea to improve this post. Ciaos!

Joseph Chew

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ROMANCE MATHEMATICS

Smart man + smart woman = romance
Smart man + dumb woman = affair
Dumb man + smart woman = marriage
Dumb man + dumb woman = pregnancy

______________________________

OFFICE ARITHMETIC

Smart boss + smart employee = profit
Smart boss + dumb employee = production
Dumb boss + smart employee = promotion
Dumb boss + dumb employee = overtime

_____________________________

SHOPPING MATH

A man will pay $20 for a $10 item he needs.
A woman will pay $10 for a $20 item that she doesn’t need.

_____________________________

GENERAL EQUATIONS & STATISTICS

A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
A successful woman is one who can find such a man.

_____________________________

HAPPINESS

To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him a little.
To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all.

______________________________

LONGEVITY

Married men live longer than single men do, but married men are a lot more willing to die.

______________________________

PROPENSITY TO CHANGE

A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn’t.
A man marries a woman expecting that she won’t change, and she does.

_____________________________

DISCUSSION TECHNIQUE

A woman has the last word in any argument.
Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.

_____________________________

HOW TO STOP PEOPLE FROM BUGGING YOU ABOUT GETTING MARRIED

Old aunts used to come up to me at weddings, poking me in the ribs and cackling,

telling me, ‘You’re next.’ They stopped after I started doing the same thing to them at funerals.

_____________________________

MATHATHEIST

Calvin     : You know, i don’t think math is a science. I think its a religion

Hobbes  : A religion?

Calvin     : Yeah. all this  equations are like miracles. you take two numbers and when you add them,

they magically become one new number! no one can say how it happens. you either

believe it or you don’t

Calvin     : This whole book is full of things that have to be accepted on faith! it’s a religion!

Hobbes  : And in the public school no less. Call a lawyer.

Calvin     : As a math atheist, i should be excused from this.

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Happen to Stumble upon an old picture i took in Sunway (haha). i thought it was hilarious and even more when my friends interpret the meaning of the writings on the wall.

You can enjoy this beautiful poem written while busy doing your business, x-O

it goes:

Love is like a shit
when it wants to come, you cant resist it..

love is like a shit
after you flush, it will never come back..

love is like a shit
it look like the same every time, but its never the same…

love is like a shit
you work very hard for it but all you will get is just fart…

This vandalizer has good writing skills… (LOL)

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Author  : Tan Piao Wey
Artists  : Simple Lim
Venue  : A Tattoo Parlor at Summit USJ

Before getting a tattoo you need to know or have in mind vaguely what your design and meaning of the tattoo is going to carry. As known it’s permanent and it’s awfully painful and difficult to remove or cover up one. Below is how my friend went through the process as described by him. =) enjoy!

This is Simple Lim, even before you get a chance to meet this artist you have to make an appointment with him. He is a renowned artist is this field and famous for many of his master pieces in this realm. It’s Worth the wait!. I explained to him about my idea of the design and what meaning my tattoo will carry. After a long chat, he likes my idea so much the he said he’ll design a one of a kind tattoo just for me (hahaha).

6 days later i received a call from him asking me to come over to his shop. There he showed me 3 designs, each design is sketch perfectly and symmetrically and the price was stated behind each sketch.

This was the 1st design that he showed me, it’s a simple yet heavily tribal falcon design. The Chinese character in the middle actually represents the Chinese surname TAN in old Chinese writing. This piece will set me back about RM1000. Sorry to say but the picture of the second sketch was not taken in the process due to all the hype and anxiousness i was feeling. =)

This was the 3rd piece of the sketch; I don’t like this one because was too simple and the tail of the Chinese character seems to be dragging out too long. It will cost me about RM800.

After staring at the 3 sketches for more than an hour, thinking and making an image of how it will look on my back, I finally made a decision by combining 2 sketches. The 1st and 2nd sketch. I used the middle part of the 1st sketch and placed it with the wings of the 2nd sketch and it turned out really awesome! Simple Lim is currently working on my combination above, using tracing paper to balance the artwork making sure that it’s symmetrical. The 2nd sketch basically is more focused on shadings than tribal, so it’s really a no brainer.

This is the outcome of the completed artwork, which took him another hour to complete the sketch. It looks pretty simple yet complicated with the combination of the shaded wings and tails. At first glance it looks pretty small but I was shock that it actually was quite big when placed on my back.

Before and after the outline is placed on my back.

Firstly, he uses a razor to shave my back to make sure there are no small hairs which will disturb the tattooing process. He then applied alcohol to clean my back? I have no idea why! following, he uses a foul smelling lubricant on the sketch and places it on my back, and Walla! It’s outlined on my back.

Here, I was waiting for him to get his needles ready which is the scariest part because of the sound his tools generate. There are 3 needles all together needed for my tattooing, one lining needle, one coloring needle, and one for shading. I was such a nervous wrack then! (hahahaha)

Before he starts, he asked me ‘do you need a drink to ease your pain?’ I say ‘no’ cause I wasn’t sure why I need it and how painful it was going to be. when he started the pain was like thousand of ants biting on my back. Awww!!!

The first step is to do a lining for my tattoo which he considers is the most painful procedure for the lining has to be deep. The photo below is the lining procedure which took him almost 2 hours to do. (It
@#$&ing Hurts!)

Ok the lining is done! And I’m already shaking from the pain and craving for alcohol and ciggs!

All through the process i was thinking in my head I “Pain is Pleasure” ”Pain is Good” ”Pain is Nothing”.

Next will be the coloring part which is less painful but it still hurts like crazy!

i have to sit up straight here because he needed to color both my wings and to tell you guys; sitting up straight is much better than lying down.

After finishing up with the wings, I was asked to lie down again and start on the middle part of my tattoo; the most painful part of it was when it reaches to the skin closest to the bones. ouch!

This was the best picture, my blood (oh yeah). The rest of the picture will be finishing touches on the colouring process.

End of filling and start of the shading process! finally!

below is without the shading.

After all the suffering and pain this is the end result. Really Awesome. i was really satisfied with his work. Well worth the money.

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the event is to commemorate the late Michael Jackson by featuring Malaysia’s indie bands and singers, giving you their version of famous hits done by the ultimate King of Pop.

Event details are as below:
Date: 7 August 2009
Time: 8-10pm
Venue: 4th Floor Auditorium, Wisma Bentley Music, Mutiara Damansara

this event feature many of my favourite local bands which i higlighted. This is a not to be missed events. i hope the next event by homegrownspace will featuer more great artist of ours.

the artists are:
Love Me Butch, Dejavoodoospells, Pure Vibracion, The Otherside Orchestra, Jin Hackman, Melissa Indot, Happy Nightmare, Transient Vortex, Ferhad

Limited tickets available.
Book your seats NOW by signing up as a VIP member here. After confirmation, you will be sent an invitation letter.

Kindly RSVP and redeem the ticket at Homegrownspace at 3rd Floor, Wisma Bentley, Mutiara Damansara.

Support our local Malaysian seen. Best of all it’s free so get the tickets now dudes!!!!

Picture and registration at http://homegrownspace.com.my

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I.M Launch + Merdeka party is here!

The party will be on the 21st of August 2009 at 8pm, held at Bar Celona At the corner of Sunway Pyramid.

Get your tickets fast. There will be live bands playing, Fashion Show, Great DJs on the work ( will try to find out who the DJs are ), Burlesque, Great Giveaways for the first 300 guest only and not for getting Free Flow of Booze!!! (will it be only for VIP and whole night? need to dig)

This event is by invitation only so register fast!

you can register by SMS-ing:

SMS to 33733 writing : IM<space>NAME<space>NRIC<space>EMAIL ADDRESS
to reserve your spot today.
* as usual they will charge you RM0.50 per sms

or register online at:
www.IMag.com.my

They will confirm the guest list on 10th of August 2009. Problem is i think that the invites is only 1 per person. Wouldn’t be fun alone right.
* First come first serve basis.

Do also pick up a free copy of I.M magazine. The contents are up to par and it’s FREE!!!

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I Love the muscular lines and sharp tail lights. It’s like the big brother of the new 645i Coupe. There is much resemblance between this 2 model.

The interior is Milky and chocolate leather, what a beautiful colour contrast. Makes you feel like not get into the car cause it’s so luxurious your afraid to dirty it. The Metallic silver on the steering and center piece gives it a exquisite finishing.

BMW now has commissioned it’s highly priced  M division to come up with a new four- door luxury GT  flagship that has yet been determined which BMW series it might be labeled under. High chances that this super luxury model will be under the decade old 8 Series that is supposedly be launched at the end of 2009 or Early Half of 2010.

There are many predictions as what the specification will be like but generally what was gathered from reliabe sources and car enthusiast is that the car would likely to use carbon fiber and /or  Aluminum  for the CS’s structure and body panels to reduce weight which will also increase performance for this huge Luxury GT.

The four-seater GT will be a large car at more than five meters long and is expected to be based on the underpinnings of the new 7 Series in Sales late 2008.

M division’s involvement suggests the CS, however, is likely to have a significantly sportier chassis to ensure the handling is at least a match for the likes of the aforementioned Panamera.

Willisch admits the CS “will need to be top notch”.

.

A 6.0-litre V12 formed by adding two cylinders to the M5’s V10 is rumored to be one of the CS’s engine options, though a smaller, twin-turbocharged engine could also be in the running.

Willisch has revealed that his M division is set to introduce turbocharged and downsized engines on future M cars. The next-generation M5 due about the same time as the CS is rumored to be switching from its naturally aspirated V10 to a twin-turbocharged V8.

The Decade old original 8 Series two-door coupe launched in 1991 came with a 5.0-litre V12, which is known as 850i. Another model followed after the release of the big brother boasting a smaller 4.0-litre V8 known as the 840i. The 8 Series production was later discontinued due to sluggish sales in 2000.

Hopefully we will see this almighty top notch luxury GT in BMW’s next Launch. For now my Favorite BMW

still remains the same. The Superb 645i Coupe. =) as attached below for your “eye-ing” pleasure.

i

Image of the 6 series is taken from Car Domain.

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